Bullet points, French bites and a social media merry-go-round

I was so proud of Oli on Friday when he gave a talk to 150 people at a conference at the British Film Institute.  He’s funny, charming and very cool, modestly receiving the loudest claps of all the speakers.  It’s been quite some time since I’ve run any presentation skills workshops, but he definitely wouldn’t have needed that – he’s a natural.  Although – rewind – he did say afterwards that I was right about him at least having some bullet points jotted down, as he did forget to chat about a couple of things he’d planned to impart – nothing important though, luckily.

I’d never been inside the BFI before.  I always thought I wouldn’t have the patience to watch a subtitled film, but I’m addicted to Sunday nights’ The Returned on ITV.  I only know two other people who watch it but, actually, you forget you’re reading the words.  It’s done wonders for my French – I can sometimes even recognise when sentences have been shortened, presenting us multi-linguistically challenged English speaking viewers with condensed versions of the actual spoken language.  So if anyone would like to take me to see a French film now, I will happily go.  Try anything once, anyway.

It was fantastic wandering along Southbank after the conference. It’s been revamped over the past year and there are loads of decked areas among shady trees where you can sit in a deckchair with a drink and a burrito, reading your book or simply soaking up the sun.  Jubilee Gardens is landscaped now and it’s really very tranquil lying on the grass and gazing above the tourists’ heads to watch the London Eye slowly turning against a cloudless sky.
We childishly joined the queue for the Victorian-style carousel and laughed the whole way round as our prettily painted horses bobbed up and down.  I told him about the time Gill and I went on one in Leicester Square on our way to a red carpet film premiere.  She worked in film PR in the eighties so we went to loads of fantastic film events.  I was in fashion then, and wearing a long billowing skirt from a Paris collection sample sale.  J’étais à la mode alors, et vêtu d’une longue jupe gonflée d’une collection vente d’échantillons Paris. (In case anyone would like French subtitles !)

That merry-go-round wasn’t aimed at children – it was quite late in the evening – and it zoomed around so fast we couldn’t catch our breath.  My skirt blew up to cover my face so all I could feel was the wind blasting at me – and it seemed to never end.  We got off dizzy and laughing, with hair and clothes all over the place.  Another example of how we missed out on social media sharing in those days.

I think that was the time we saw Robert Powell and couldn’t remember his name, although Gill knew he was Jesus of Nazareth.  We definitely didn’t look like red carpet attendees after the carousel, more like victims of some biblical plague!  Bit like today, for me.  I spend most of the summer smelling of a mix between citronella and petroleum. I couldn’t use more anti-midge spray on my arms and legs if I tried – but still the little buggers attack me.   People laughed when I wrote on Facebook this week that something invisible flew down my top and chewed me seven times.  It’s not pretty.

I’m not a huge fan of old-time musicals (apart from The King and I, and Seven Brides), so I didn’t realise this came from Carousel:  Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart, and you’ll never walk alone.
You’ll never walk alone if you follow me.  Here I am: @WeekendWitch.

Thanks to Cybermyth 13 for the Flickr pic

Media royalty, gone to the dogs and a ruined sex life

This week’s feature on me in the local paper’s business section is a great improvement on last time. It doesn’t quite paint me as the next Martha Lane Fox or Michelle Mone but it does give a reasonably clear account of my business.

If you missed it, it talks more about my work training companies to write in plain English than it does about social media marketing. I guess the editor took a view that it’s more niche – after all, there are bucket loads of social media consultancies in London. Mine’s different. Seventeen years’ experience of running a business plus ten years in corporate employment means my clients benefit from a wider marketing perspective.

Last time I was in the newspaper my photo was on the front page, to the right of the main headline in a column titled something like ‘What’s inside’ with small print mentioning me and the page number. That would have been quite nice, had the main headline (right next to my face) not screamed out ‘Doctor ruined my sex life!’

Thanks to the Ilford Recorder for pics

I can’t remember the story now, but some poor person had had a vasectomy that went wrong, or something like that. Definitely nothing to do with me. His photo was below the article and mine was next to it, so I’m sure some people must have thought it was me.  It still makes us laugh… (Graphic designers and typesetters take note!)

Not sure about this journalist’s decision to headline me as a ‘Battling mum’ – that’s not quite the businesswoman image I like to portray. Although I guess there’s a bit of the Boudicca about that, which I do like. Former Queen of Essex…? Well, I do have media links with royalty (not social media!). My other newsworthy day was being...

Working in my garden…

caught on camera with Prince William, in an embarrassing fiasco with no make up and my hair in a scrunchie. Being shown on BBC news wasn’t my finest moment. The prince was very charming but I totally looked like I’d gone to the dogs. It was amazing that the Telegraph managed to knock ten years off my age; wonder how that happened…

And now I really have gone to the dogs!! We spent Friday night at a greyhound track in the heart of Essex (not too far from Boudicca’s kingdom, actually). First time I’ve been for years and not quite as glamorous as a day at Ascot (which I’ve never done by the way) but such fun. Although, we were a little bitchy about some of the dogs – too tall, too small, spindly legs, too spotty – reminded me a bit of nights out at the Ilford Palais…

Some didn’t look too impressed at having to run around after a mechanical rabbit (no, Sue!) and tried to wander off to lay in the 85 degrees evening sunshine. And one looked really miserable with its tail between its legs – I’d never actually seen that before and it’s kind of weird to see a metaphor come to life. It was really too hot for the dogs, and too hot for me.

Mrs Loud knows what to do. “Will you cater to every fantasy I’ve got? Will you hose me down with holy water if I get too hot? Will you take me places I’ve never known?” I can take you places! Just follow me here: @WeekendWitch.

(Thanks to inyourfaceblogspot for sharing the Boudicca painting.  It’s all over the net but I can’t see who painted it!)

Cultural dynamism, making law and being blown away

Wednesday was one of the most gloriously hot days we’ve seen in London this year, so imagine my surprise to emerge from Westminster Station and be almost blown into the Thames by an almighty gust of wind! My balance isn’t marvellous at the best of times, and my shoes were high and pointy… I almost ended up in the lap of a donut seller; the smile on his face was picture perfect.

I’d been invited to Parliament to speak to a bunch of politicians about childhood stroke. Along with my friends Liz, Nancy and a delegation from the Stroke Association’s awareness group, we enjoyed some delicious creamy cakes in the elegant Members’ Dining Room – made me think that there really are some positives to becoming a politician. Seriously… I would love to be a law-maker. There would be no more nonsense in this country if I was in charge for a few weeks, that’s for sure. The afternoon was a huge success. We met interesting people and got our message across that kids have strokes. If only I’d had the forethought to brush my hair before the official photos!

The journey home was vile in that 100˚ heat. I moaned about the underground recently here, so I won’t remind you of the thousands of people squashed together and sweating on each other in conditions reminiscent of the Victorian age. I’m sure some were passed out but remained upright as there simply wasn’t room to fall. However, while we’re on the subject, I did post on Facebook last week about a delightful morning journey in which the woman indiscreetly breastfeeding opposite me caught the attention of the man sitting next to me who joyfully started to touch himself!! London really is a super place to work!

Actually, it really is – London is fantastic!! You won’t find a more diverse, cultural, historic, dynamic, architecturally beautiful capital anywhere in this world. The City of London festival runs for another week, with free art and cultural events happening all over the place – most of my friends don’t even know about it and it’s right on our doorstep. But that’s the beauty of social media. I follow what’s going on through Twitter and retweet the best stuff.

Gill’s going to Maxwell’s in Covent Garden today. They don’t appear to be on Twitter but they do have a Facebook page, although it’s not updated all that often. We spent many summer evenings there in the 80’s, when it was a novelty having lettuce in your burger. The vibrant atmosphere typified everything that was brash and bold back then and we loved it!!

Something else that’s bold (and may be brash, too soon to say) is the Olympic Park redevelopment. I attended a networking evening this week in a hotel overlooking the park, with a wonderful barbecue (lettuce on the burgers, melon and everything!!), free flowing Pimms and, unlike last year, I didn’t trip up and accidentally grab anyone’s willy.  Anyway, Newham’s regeneration officers pointed out the new skyline and it’s going to be like another impressive, high tech mini Canary Wharf. Lots of business opportunities there. And burger bars.

So, a visit to Parliament and major skyline changes to London in one week. Tom Bailey (who smiled down on me as I slept in 1983) was quite right in saying, Have you heard the rumour going ’round? There’s gonna be big changes in this town. And there’ll be no more fighting, no more fuss – you’d better listen to us… (Have you heard that love, love, love is the law?)

It’s not the law that you follow on Twitter, but I’d love it @WeekendWitch

Writing lyrics, pounding the rocks and strengthening your SEO

 

Lots of annoyed comments by email about the lack of lyrics last week!  It’s weird how people email or Facebook message rather than writing directly on the blog – why is that?  Aside from anything else, if you have a business website, engaging in a blog conversation is an excellent source of backlinks, which strengthen your search engine optimisation (SEO).

I am sorry.  There’s nothing else I can say.  I wrote the blog quite late at night, I was excited about my date the following evening (not a date… NOT a date!!) and I simply forgot.  I did realise on Monday when I checked my twitter feed, and it was a toss-up whether or not to add something.  But I decided it would be a good test to see if anyone actually notices, and – oh yes, people noticed.

To live without my music would be impossible to do, cause in this world of trouble, my music sees me through.  Ok now?  How awful would a world without music be?!  What if it really died??  I don’t even know what a levee is, never mind where to find one to drive to.  By the way, I have absolutely no idea why that John Miles song popped into my head; I haven’t heard it for years, as far as I know.  Unless maybe my subconscious picked it up playing in the tiny county pub we visited this evening, or driving home to Magic FM.

There’s a fine line between lyrics and poetry.  Or perhaps an overlap.  Ben’s asked me again to write lyrics to accompany his music for the new hand-carved zebrawood Bellucci guitar, with mother of pearl inlay on the Macassar ebony fingerboard and intricate gold plated tuners.  It’s a beautiful piece of marquetry – a fantastic creation that’s way more work of art than functional instrument.  He loves it with a passion, so I guess my lyrics need to live up to that.  I’ve made a promise to come up with something this month.  It will make a change from writing clients’ blogs and press releases.

In the meantime, I’ve written the poem that is being displayed in two art exhibitions later this year, and my wonderful artist friend Martyn is busy this week incorporating it into his painting.  It’s a tale of broken love and heartbreak… short, bittersweet, abrupt.  The first exhibition will be held in Cornwall, that wild and rugged county that epitomises everything I love about the English landscape.

I’ll go down for the opening, any excuse to be by the sea!  In fact I’m going to Lyme Regis in a couple of weeks, not too far from Cornwall.  I won’t be fossil hunting this time, just a spot of French Lieutenant’s Woman–type wandering along the beach at dusk.  But I’m thinking that if the mood is right I might go back later this year to write my novel.  I love working with waves pounding the rocks and I’ll be more inclined to concentrate if I’m away from my normal routine.  Or maybe that will be the perfect lyrical inspiration…

So, back to where we started – feel free to comment below.  I’ll just sit here in the Green garden listening to music while I’m waiting.  Got a little radio, held it to my body.   I can feel your back beat boy, moving a muscle of love.  Turn it up and press it – I don’t understand it.  I can feel your message boy, calling me over and out.  Send me your message below – or here: @WeekendWitch.

Tattoos, soliciting and six degrees of social media separation

My first love messaged me on Facebook last night to ask if I wanna!  Yes of course I wanna…  He was the only boy at my sixth birthday party – me, Adam, 30 little girls and an ice cream cake that melted under the glow of its sparklers.  He’s still very cute with a look of Bowie about him, and I chat to him occasionally in the KW4 pub.  So when he asks for my help, I’m only too happy to deliver.  Can’t say yet what the project involves but it will definitely be fun, and I’ll share the outcome with you in due course… (Maybe.)

First boyfriend

Adam has a swirl of thorny roses tattooed along his right arm that reminds me a bit of the Culture Club clothes we wore in the 80s.  When I met Boy George in Carnaby Street he was dressed in a mixture of roses and Hebrew lettering with coloured ribbons woven into his hair.  I swiftly plaited mine and rushed out to buy a hard brimmed black hat.

I worked there for a while… you may recall the story about me being arrested for soliciting? (It’s in the book!)  I loved the buzz and the fantastic, weird people.  Serving Boy George and John Moss was a normal thing in those new romantic days of kamikaze bandanas and fluorescent silk ties.  Didn’t know who they were yet, but their distinctive look set them apart from all the other beautiful creatures gracing the once orange patchwork of now dirty street.  If only we’d had social media back then.  Although I’d surely have been fired for incessant tweeting, and my Facebook page would have exploded from sheer over activity.

This is how small the world is.  I first saw Carnaby Street when I bunked off school with Angela, aged about 12, to visit someone she knew called Hilary who worked in the West End.  Last year I wrote a press release for a fabulous celebrity agency in Soho and, while sharing a bottle of wine under the stars, I briefly met the agency owners’ daughter.  Then, in Ireland for Halloween, Angie showed me photos of her at a party with Hilary, Cheryl Cole and… my client’s daughter!! It turns out that Hilary manages Girls Aloud and Lily is Cheryl Cole’s PA.  Angie knows her!  I’m connected to my childhood next door neighbour via one of my clients and an overrated ex-X Factor judge. Who’d have guessed?

It’s very true that we’re connected to everybody by six degrees of separation.  And with social networking, it’s not too hard to track those connections.  I use them for business advantage, of course – and that’s one of the things I teach people who want to market their businesses more successfully on-line. If you’d like to chat about maximising your use of social media, you’re welcome to call me.  Or, like Adam, you can find me on Facebook – or here, as always @WeekendWitch.

Business analogies, dangerous muffins and boyfriends with roses

A weird and wonderful thing has happened in my garden and it struck me as a good analogy of my business.  The spindly peach rose bush that I replanted in the hope that it might revive itself, has spread, strengthened and flourished – and… changed colour!  It is so beautiful that I actually stop working to stare out of the window and give myself a little clap for being so horticulturally clever.  Even if only by pure accident.

These are my favourite roses

When I was Brian’s girlfriend he spent his summers in Wisbech working on a rose farm.  I thought it was funny at the time but he loved grafting those flowers; I had no idea what he was talking about, but now I understand.  Cut coloured buds are stuck onto different twigs so they can produce a sort of hybrid rose.  In my case, the original white flower was supressed in favour of the newly crafted peach one.

Well, roses need care.  Just like a business venture, you have to tend them with love, cultivate them and get rid of dead wood to encourage new growth.  If you fail to look after the bush, it can die or suckers can spring forth.  Most people chop off the suckers.  By replanting my rose then leaving it alone, the suckers actually overtook the main plant and, stemming from the original flower, they bloomed white – stronger and healthier than the peachy flower that had so tempted me in Costco.  (By the way, friends also need care, and I forgot to wish Brian happy birthday last week; hope you had a lovely day!)

I love business analogies.  This one shows that if we don’t devote the time and effort we should to our main products and services, suckers can wind their way through to change the focus of what we do.  This isn’t a bad thing.  It does reflect my business in a good way!  Circumstances meant that I neglected my plain English training for a while, allowing the social media strand to take over.  It turned out to be a fantastic thing.  That side of the business is flourishing beautifully and, just as there’s room in my garden for all colour roses, there’s capacity in my organisation for all types of training.

So I made a point of running a Plain English workshop last week.  As advertised, I took some home-made baking for the delegates.  Instead of my usual blueberry muffins I tried my hand at Nutella brownies, from a recipe someone posted on Facebook a couple of weeks ago.  I do make a point of telling people that I have no health and safety or food hygiene certificates, so when I was recently invited along to a business networking group at London Bridge, my invitation stated “bring your dangerous muffins.” It made me laugh.  (Those people are still alive!)  I’ll be offering more plain English workshops soon, muffins included!

You may have noticed that I finally have a favicon (the little icon on your Internet browser tab).  Huge thanks to Wumni, the fabulous graphic designer who heads up WeCreateMedia.  She very kindly set it up for me at the weekend after I’d spent many hours trying to do it myself and before I threw my laptop into my 1930’s deco fireplace in frustration!!  Wumni and I co-presented a workshop for start-up businesses last year; she spoke about corporate branding and I covered social media.  Together we helped set twenty emerging entrepreneurs on the road to brilliant web visibility – I love that!

Let me know if you’d like to run an in-house workshop.  Some learning, fun and a muffin will surely brighten up this dull grey summer.  ‘The more I get of you the stranger it feels; now that your rose is in bloom. A light hits the gloom on the gray.’  You can always find me here, sometimes working, sometimes picking flowers: @WeekendWitch.

Corporate branding, inappropriate behaviour and following the dream

 

A weird thing came over me on Tuesday: I had a sudden urge to clear out my wardrobes in the middle of my working day.  Trancelike, I climbed the stairs.  Then, like a woman possessed, I began a three hour tirade of climbing up and down the step ladder and chucking stuff around the room.  Amongst the treasures I recovered from the wardrobe tops was a bag of Steven’s old press cuttings.

I married a child actor thinking I’d live the celebrity lifestyle.  Of course, he wasn’t a child when we met – behaves like it sometimes though!  (Oh, I am going to be in trouble…)  I posted the press cuttings on Facebook to an incredible response.  If only he’s carried on down that path…
The roads we choose in life are rarely the ones we imagine setting out on.  We begin our journey then have to make decisions at every fork or crossroads.  It was a course of snap judgements that led me away from my place at art college and, more recently, into social media consulting.


But the art dream is still there.  I’m taking part in two art exhibitions later this year with Martyn and, although I’m writing poetry to complement his paintings, my desire to be more creative is growing and I’m determined to follow that dream (one day!).  I tweet a lot about design and one of my favourite recent retweets was a branding colour chart showing corporate logos and the meanings of their colour choices.

I really should have purple branding – it’s the colour of imagination, creativity and good witchcraft!  Also of Cadbury’s…  And, I did, in fact, have a purple logo for fifteen years!! I only changed it last year when I created my current website, changing it then to turquoise.  This greeny-blue shade is the colour of trust and strength, bordering on the floaty hues of peace.

The lovely dress

Interestingly, a glance at my iPhone shows almost all my most used social media icons are blue: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Hootsuite, WordPress, Dropbox, Mailchimp.  So that’s ok.  It makes sense that someone who trains people to use social media effectively would also be blue.  But that’s not why I chose it.  For those of you who’ve joined me in the past year, I previously had a photo on my homepage wearing a turquoise evening dress… I simply worked the colourway around that.  No sophisticated creative concepts, just me and a dress I love!

But then again, clearing out my wardrobe proved that I have ten purple dresses!!  I also have a purple Pinterest page… So I do feel like I should go back to purple branding now…. What do you think?  I wore purple for one of my trips into London this week.  It was the hottest day of the week and the tube was sweltering.  It never ceases to amaze me that a country that limits the number of people in nightclubs for health and safety reasons, allows almost four million people a day to squash into little metal carriages with soaring temperatures and a lack of oxygen, to be plummeted up to 220 feet below street level.  It’s a disaster waiting to happen.  Again.

Anyway, on this particular purple day, the woman opposite me was indiscreetly breastfeeding and the man next to me started touching himself.  Nice.  Inappropriate behaviour always makes an interesting start to the day.   The king of purple says, “Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing; it’s time we all reach out for something new – that means you too.”  If you’re reaching for something new (not on the train!), let me help you promote it – social media marketing that gets your business noticed.  Ask me here: @WeekendWitch.